Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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