i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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