Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
