she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
