i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
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