Do you still have your period?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
