So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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