Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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