Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
