You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
