The maid of honor just puked.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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