You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
