Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
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