i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
