So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
