he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
