I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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