Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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