i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
