We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
