i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Randomize
