next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
