i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
