is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
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