We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
