I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Dear god my vagina.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
