Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
