Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
