I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
