i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
