bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
