I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
