so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
He felt like a one man threesome
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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