Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
