I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
