I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
