6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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