Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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