we made out on top of his cat.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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