it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize