I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
