who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
he fucked my hip out of place.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
