its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I believe in your delicious
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
