the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
