i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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