Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Randomize
