Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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