Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
