is your mom at the bar?
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
