I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Randomize
