Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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