Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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